My Three Men

There are three men on this earth who mean so much to me. 
My dad and my brothers.

No matter what they've done, what they're doing, or what they will do I will ALWAYS love them.

That doesn't mean I will always like their choices, but it means I will ALWAYS want the best for them.

My family isn't a very sentimental, touchy one. I don't know why. That's just the way things came out. It's hard for us to say I love you. It's difficult to talk about feelings or anything somewhat emotional. Well, not really between me and my mom, but other than that it's just out of our comfort zone. That's just the way we are and it's fine. Although, sometimes because of this missing affection, I feel like we don't get to express our appreciation for each other nearly as often as we should.

Dad. I want you to know that I know you work hard, relentlessly even, to give us everything we need. I know you've worked since you were a teenager... basically without a dad yourself. I honor you for taking your dad's example and learning from him, so you wouldn't follow his footsteps. There are some men in this world who are handed things, and you weren't one of them. You work for them. I know there are opportunities you feel like you weren't given. College or a mission perhaps, but I want you to know that you are accomplished in my eyes and one of the most important accomplishments you've completed is choosing mom to be your wife for eternity. Cherish her. Yes, it is probably true that you won't be able to retire early or sail around the world or buy all the outdoor toys you want, but you still dream. There is a light in your eyes you get when you have those dreams and when you're out in nature; I don't ever want to see that light dim. You may not get all the things you want in this stage of life, but who's to say you won't in the next? I say you've worked hard enough to deserve everything. From all the science fair projects to giving me that love for nature and the outdoors, my life would not be the same without you and I wouldn't trade you for any father in the world. Also, I know you have a testimony of the gospel. I am so proud you know Christ's Atonement is real. You're an example to us all. I love you.

Donald. I want you to know that you're going to make it. I am so proud of you going through with your college and everything. It's not easy to go back, but you did and you exemplified so much strength. It is incredible how much talent you've always had. From music to art to acting to unicycling (haha) you are filled to the brim with talents that other people would love to have. I look up to you and it's obvious; seeing you act and play guitar made me want to do that as well. I am so grateful for that because without my memories of acting or without knowing guitar my life would not be filled with as much happiness that it is now. On top of this, you're sense of humor will literally never get old and keep me smiling forever. Despite all these talents you possess, you are humble. Humbleness is a quality much of the world lacks nowadays and your possession of it never ceases to impress me. I want you to know that I know you're a genuine guy. I know you have choices you regret, we all do. I hope you haven't forgotten that all those things can be removed.

If you ever want to start fresh, you know where to go. If you ever feel like something is missing, you know what it is. If you ever want answers, I know of a book that can answer them all and I'm sure I'll have a pretty good supply of them for about 18 months. ;) I just want you to know that the gospel sometimes seems like it's about being perfect and that you can't make mistakes; funny thing is we have the gospel because there was only one perfect man who has ever walked this earth. Because of Him, our mistakes can be erased. I just want you to know that I have a testimony of the gospel and I want to be your little sister forever. I love you.

Brian. You were my closest brother growing up. We used to make stop motion videos and play with cars together. You were so loving and good hearted. You cared and had a love for life. You've always had a knack for literally everything athletic and you are always insanely talented in everything you try. From motorcycles to bicycles to roller blades to skate boards you always picked them right up. I don't know what happened, but at some point you must have doubted yourself when all of us truly believed in you and so you got lost a little. Went down the path of things not so good for you. Things that literally changed who you were. Things that are slowly pulling your amazing personality away. Things that make you feel and act in a manner you would have never allowed yourself to before. You're not where you want to be in life right now, but I don't think you understand THAT IT CAN CHANGE. You're sooo much smarter, stronger, and more capable than you think you are.

You think we don't care about you, but that is the furthest possible thing from the truth. It's just hard. It's hard to watch someone you care about dig themselves down deeper and deeper. It's heartbreaking to watch them be unhappy. It's frustrating and we don't know what to do. Our words don't seem to sink in. I don't think you know how many people pray for you every night. How many times I have literally fallen asleep crying for you and pleading to my Heavenly Father that He would give you the strength to get that light back in your eyes. I always think man when will it hit him, when will he want to change; but all I can keep doing is praying and loving you. I want you to know that no matter how many times you give up on yourself I will NEVER give up on you because I love you and I KNOW you have an amazing heart. I KNOW you have it in you to change and to become successful and truly happy because I sometimes see glimpses of that Brian we all used to know. You have a good heart. I KNOW it. I KNOW there's a fight within you and I KNOW where you can find that strength. Pray. Ask for help. WANT help. Do it. You just have to do it. I don't want to cry for you anymore unless they're happy tears. Stop those things that have changed you. You know they don't really make you happy. STOP them and work at it. I don't care if you're 50 by the time reality really hits you and you make that change, but I'd say the sooner the better. The sooner you do this, the sooner you can be happy and that's what we all want for you. Regardless of anything and everything, you'll always be my curly haired older brother who could sound like Cap'n Crunch. And I will always love you.

I just want you three to know I love you and I have a testimony of Christ's gospel. He doesn't care where you've been, He cares about where you're going and how He will help you get there. Brothers, I know that you guys still have a testimony or at least a belief that His gospel is true and that's enough to work with. You may not be doing exactly what is suggested or required, but I hope that one day you can humble yourselves. The more you live it, the more you love it, and the more you know it is true. Go talk to a bishop. Get things straightened out. Don't think you're the only ones that have done these things because you're not.

People make mistakes. Bishops are there to love and help you, not to put you down. I know that's true. I have faith in both of you and I know one day your hearts will need something more than any material thing earth has to offer, you will want something more and that something more is the knowledge and hope that comes through the gospel. We may not talk all the time, but I don't want to lose the relationships we have. I want to be a family forever with you guys. Know I pray for both of you everyday. I believe in you.